


Head Start (Oral Sex remix)

by Philipa_Moss



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Friendship, M/M, Remix, actually some solid advice, hallway freakouts, the offscreen ghost of James Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-05 13:57:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15864999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philipa_Moss/pseuds/Philipa_Moss
Summary: Where Sirius was concerned it was always best to have adjustable expectations.





	Head Start (Oral Sex remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Isis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isis/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Oral Sex](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2562203) by [Isis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isis/pseuds/Isis). 



Remus woke the first time he heard it. Somewhere very close by, in the hallway, perhaps, someone was muttering and pacing. “Fuck you,” the person, a man, repeated. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.” The man’s voice faded off down the hall and then came back. “Fuck you,” he enunciated right outside their door. Then he kicked something. Remus sighed, and pulled his arm out from under Angelique. The voice was unmistakably that of Sirius Black, and if he had started to kick things it was time to intervene.

Leaving Angelique snoring lightly, her neon green earplugs and lavender-scented eye mask in place, Remus hurried to the door and pulled it open.

The sight awaiting him was not exactly what he’d expected to find, but where Sirius was concerned it was always best to have adjustable expectations. Still, Remus paused in the doorway and took a second to reconcile himself to the sight of Sirius, in boxers, the formal shirt he had earlier been wearing under his dress robes, one sock, and not a stitch more, hopping up and down and clutching the sockless toes of his right foot. Against the wall opposite, a large ornamental urn was in pieces on the floor. 

Remus pulled the door shut behind him. “Mind the shards,” he said.

Sirius turned to Remus with a slightly manic gaze. At least he’d stopped hopping up and down. “Remus! What are you doing here?”

“Where are your shoes?” Remus asked, taking hold of Sirius’s elbow and guiding him away from the debris. “This is the hotel, Sirius. You knew Angelique and I were staying here as well.”

Sirius groaned, flinging his head back, showing his throat and every one of his molars. Something deep inside Remus noted that this was a gesture of both vulnerability and aggression, and if that didn’t sum up Sirius Black, nothing else did. “Angelique,” he wailed. “I didn’t wake her up too?”

“No,” said Remus. “Don’t worry.”

At the end of the hall, by the rickety elevator, were two similarly rickety chairs. Remus guided Sirius into one and he pulled the other close enough to sit and keep hold of Sirius’s shoulder. He had a hand on top of Remus’s hand, gripping him tight. Remus was quite sure he didn’t realize he was doing it.

“Where are your shoes?” Remus asked again.

“At the venue,” said Sirius. “Under the table.” He’d gone slightly green.

“Are you about to be sick?” Remus asked. He cast desperately about for something, but it was clear that the urn had been the only receptacle on the hall. Oh well. It wouldn’t be the first—or, likely, last—time Sirius would use the front of his shirt as a bin. 

But Sirius waved him off. “No, no.” He sighed. “I walked here because I’m a coward. I should have stayed. But, I woke up and I thought, Merlin, what would James think?”

“What would James think about what?”

Sirius gave him a sharp look, and it occurred to Remus that he was more sober than he was letting on.

“What I’m about to tell you—You can’t hate me.”

“Why would I hate you?”

Sirius buried his head in his hands and said something that sounded very much like, “I hear a new grape.” 

“Eh?”

Sirius sat straight up and grabbed both of Remus’s hands. “I nearly blew Snape!” he bellowed. 

“Hush!” Remus exclaimed, even as his amygdala started to dance the tarantella. “You what?”

“You heard me!” Sirius yelled, though this time it was more of a whisper-yell. “I came this close to sucking him off, but we were under a table so instead we just went to sleep.”

Remus blinked. “Sure.”

Sirius got up and started pacing again. “And all I can think, when I’m not thinking of how fit he looks with his stupid hair washed, is how disappointed James would be.”

“I didn’t realize Severus was gay,” said Remus.

Sirius stopped mid-stride and stared at him. “What?”

“I said I didn’t realize Severus was gay.”

“I heard what you said, I just— Is that all you have to say?”

Remus shrugged. 

Sirius shook his head. He was frowning now. “He was basically wanking to you in History of Magic when he wasn’t trying to kill you. How could you not have known?”

“You’re very well matched, then,” said Remus, “if trying to kill people is how you each express love.”

Sirius went white and then red. It occurred to Remus that he should have been a little more diplomatic, and opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius got there before him. “Fuck you, Remus.”

Remus stiffened. “I have a right to say it, I think.”

For a time, they waited in uncomfortable silence. Sirius watched the floor. Remus watched Sirius. Finally Remus sighed, and nudged Sirius in the shin. Sirius flashed him a tight smile. Remus cleared his throat. 

“Anyway,” Sirius said, resuming his pacing, “I never said Snape was gay. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions. He could be bi. Bi people exist. People are bi, Remus.”

“ _Is_ he bi?”

“Well, no,” said Sirius.

Remus sighed. He leaned back in his chair. “All right. Let me see if I’ve got this right. Severus Snape is gay. You, you lunatic, are bi. At some point during Harry Potter’s wedding, one or both of you decided that decades worth of animosity was actually foreplay and you almost performed oral sex on him under a table at the reception.”

“After the reception,” Sirius muttered. 

“After the reception,” said Remus. “You fell asleep instead and when you woke up you…abandoned Snape under the table, presumably? And came here.”

“Yes,” said Sirius.

“Because you thought James would be disappointed in you.”

“Yes,” said Sirius.

“Sirius,” said Remus, “I say this with all the love in the world, but you are a prize idiot.”

Sirius froze. “You think I shouldn’t have gone under the table with him. I knew it.”

“No,” said Remus, firmly. “I think you should go back immediately and apologize. Collect your shoes and, Merlin, your trousers and offer to buy that man a drink.”

Sirius was visibly stunned. He sat back down in his chair.

“Listen,” said Remus. “You can’t know what James would think, but James himself was proof that people change.”

Sirius sagged a little, though it was clearly out of relief. 

“And you’re not a coward,” said Remus. “When have you ever done what was expected of you?”

“That’s not me being brave,” said Sirius. “That’s me being stubborn.”

“Right,” said Remus. “Well, I tried.” He started to get up, but Sirius reached out a hand to stop him.

“Thanks,” said Sirius. “I didn’t mean that before, when I said fuck you.”

“I know,” said Remus. He squeezed Sirius’s hand. “Now go find someone who will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Notes redacted until after the reveal!


End file.
